Elizabeth Rous, Upper School Counselor and Psychology Teacher
Ashley Spruill, Middle School Counselor
Does this sound familiar?
Parent: How was your day?
Child: Fine.
Parent: What did you do at school today?
Child: Nothing.
As parents, we want to connect with our children and hear about their lives. We have precious little time with them each day, and darn it, we want to make it count! Unfortunately, we often leave moments like the one referenced above feeling less than satisfied. Less than connected …
This got us thinking about Cupid—it is February after all! Cupid didn’t ask his victims, Do you love him? Or, Is she your true love? He struck his victims with an arrow—POW!—and they fell madly in love. Maybe as parents, we aren’t using the right arrow when we are asking our children about their lives. We know that the answer to a yes/no question is typically yes or no, so why are we still pulling the same arrow out of our quivers?
Believe it or not, our children want us to be interested in their lives. They want to know that what they do matters to us. They want to know that they are a priority. If we shoot with the same arrow every day when they jump in the car after school or roll in after sports practices or play rehearsals, they will respond with the same yes, no, nothing responses.
Let’s shake things up a bit: What if you asked your child to tell you the best thing about their day? The worst thing about their day?
Some refer to this as Roses and Thorns. How powerful it would be for your child to share a thorn with you, so that you can follow-up with Well, how did you handle it? What did you do to make yourself feel better, calmer, more in control? These questions make our children think, give us an opportunity to celebrate the roses, and build our children’s resiliency when they share the thorns. Or you can ask questions like What would you have students read if you had control of your English class? What made you laugh today? What challenged you today? What would your perfect day look like?
Cupid may have had it right all along. Go for the POW! when it comes to asking your child questions about their life. Your connection with your child will deepen. Plus, it’s fun to keep our little darlings on their toes!
