Elizabeth Cavallari, Director of College Counseling
This summer, Hampton Roads Academy faculty were asked to read one of three books to deepen our understanding of the unique challenges our students face today. I chose one that had been sitting on my desk for over a year, Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It. I finally began reading it during my son’s private baseball lesson. The irony was not lost on me, and I was mortified.
Were we at that lesson for achievement? In part—he wanted to make a travel baseball team. But as I thought more deeply, I realized we were really there because I wanted to show my son that he mattered. As a sibling who often grew up in the shadow of another’s athletic success, it was important for him to know that we were investing in his growth—not just in skill, but in confidence. Parents know things will never feel perfectly equal, but what matters most is that each child feels seen and valued.
Members of the senior class work on telling their stories and charting their paths at HRA’s college application boot camp in August 2025
Wallace’s book raises important questions about how achievement culture—and, in turn, college admissions culture—has gone off the rails. But the theme that resonated most with me, both as a parent and as an educator, was mattering. How do we show students they matter? Whether they are showered with accolades or celebrating a hard-earned B, how do we move past the race for achievement and instead meet students where they are?
In college admissions, it’s easy to get swept up in test scores, resumes, and rankings. At HRA, though, we strive for a values-based process. We work with students to identify who they are, what’s important to them, and how to showcase that authentically in their applications. Yes, there are still conversations about prioritizing activities or leadership roles, but we always return to the questions: Who are you? What do you care about? How can we help you show colleges your most authentic self?
And the way we do that is simple: by showing our students they matter. We spend one-on-one sessions discussing college lists, majors, and activities. We devote meaningful time to helping them write essays that reflect their truest selves. Just as importantly, we listen when they share about their summers, their interests, and their worries.
I feel so privileged to walk alongside these young people at such an important crossroads—to sit with them, listen to them, and help them see that who they are matters. Ultimately, whether it’s on a baseball field or in a college application, the goal isn’t just achievement. It’s knowing they are enough.
